Alice: You know Dorothy, I’ve found that people from Kansas tend to be a bit boring.
Dorothy: What’s that supposed to mean?
Alice: I’m just saying, I at least have a magical cat. Toto is just another accessory dog you tote around in that picnic basket of yours
Dorothy: For once in your life Blondie, quit with the diva attitude. The only reason you got trapped in Wonderland was because you couldn’t stop yourself from stuffing your face with those damn “eat me” cookies. Isn’t it evidence enough that when food is telling you to do something… you shouldn’t.
Alice: Bite me, Dorothy.
Sitting in the patio of a sidewalk café is the delightful Dorothy Gale. She is wearing her signature blue gingham dress and is patiently waiting for her brunch date to arrive. Accompanying her is her dog Toto, whose leash is tied to the adjacent iron railing alongside her table. He sits by Dorothy’s chair, eagerly waiting for something to happen.
It’s 10:35AM and her brunch date is already 5 minutes late. While it is a Sunday, Dorothy would rather not waste her morning waiting on someone.
10:38AM and Dorothy is getting even more impatient. She is starting to fidget in her seat and tap her heels together.
“Oh Toto. If she doesn’t get here in the next couple of minutes, then I say we head home.,” says Dorothy.
Toto nods his head as if he understands what she is talking about.
“I’m sorry! I’m late, I’m very, very late,” said Alice.
“Yes, you are very late. What the fuck took you so long?” said Dorothy.
“Woah, I said I’m sorry. I couldn’t find my keys,” said Alice.
“Fine. For your benefit, I ordered for us already. I got French toast with a side of turkey bacon and hash browns,” said Dorothy.
“That’s fine. I guess I have no choice,” said Alice.
As Alice seats herself and places her bag on the floor, she notices Dorothy’s glimmering red heels from under the table.
“Hey, are those new shoes?” said Alice.
“Fuck yeah they are. I got these last weekend in OZ,” said Dorothy.
“Oh, yeah. Tell me about that. I saw that picture you posted online with you laying in some field of flowers. I think the caption was ‘Chilling with the boys. #naptime.’ How are the boys? Any breakthroughs?” said Alice.
“Not really. I mean I still can’t figure out which one I like best. They’re all kind of clueless. I think it’s getting a little bit tiring helping them search for themselves,” said Dorothy
“Have you thought of a threesome?” said Alice.
“That’s not going to happen. How about you? How was Wonderland?” said Dorothy.
“Oh my god, it was amazing. I had such a good trip. I smoked out the whole weekend and ate these amazing, cookies,” said Alice.
“You literally had a good trip,” said Dorothy.