Miley the Movement?

I finally got around to watching Miley: The Movement on MTV and I have to say that I loved it.
I love it for the sole reason that Miley was able to bullshit all of us into thinking that the “hot mess” that we witnessed at the VMAs was actually a part of her strategy to dominate the world. From the creation of Bangerz to constructing her new image, her “movement” to grow up was a success.

However, there was one point from the documentary that caught me off guard. It was the realization that Miley is only 3 years younger than me.
I don’t care what she does, whether its grind up on Robin Thicke’s thick or ride a wrecking ball naked, but what matters to me is that she is a part of my generation. She shares the same DNA of growing up as a bi-product to the generation of the internet, iPods and unlimited text messages.

Miley is young, driven and motivated to control her own world, yet she is also very naive and consumed by her own world.

This makes me question myself – Am I like this?

What if the whole obstacle/point of being a Millenial is to take your shortcomings that have been influenced and nurtured by your AOL 7.0 surroundings, and turn it into a tour de force.

Maybe this is the real movement. Being a Millenial and learning to see that as an advantage.

 

-Patrick

 

A Letter to My Future Self (10 Years From Now)

Hi Patrick -

You’re reading this now because you survived the past 10 years.

You were somehow able to overcome all the stupid, bullshit obstacles that an awkward twenty-something faces. The depression, stress and uncertainty didnt’t get to you, rather you found something to save you. What was that?

Maybe this is defeating the purpose of growing up and figuring things out on my own, but frankly, i just want to know how the story keeps going. I want to know if youre happy and are doing something that you appreciate and find creative. Let’s face it, like being a teenager, sometimes being twenty-whatever just needs to be over with.

-Patrick

Dorothy VS. Alice

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Alice: You know Dorothy, I’ve found that people from Kansas tend to be a bit boring.

Dorothy: What’s that supposed to mean?

Alice: I’m just saying, I at least have a magical cat. Toto is just another accessory dog you tote around in that picnic basket of yours

Dorothy: For once in your life Blondie, quit with the diva attitude. The only reason you got trapped in Wonderland was because you couldn’t stop yourself from stuffing your face with those damn “eat me” cookies. Isn’t it evidence enough that when food is telling you to do something… you shouldn’t.

Alice: Bite me, Dorothy.

-Gretchelle

 

Sitting in the patio of a sidewalk café is the delightful Dorothy Gale. She is wearing her signature blue gingham dress and is patiently waiting for her brunch date to arrive. Accompanying her is her dog Toto, whose leash is tied to the adjacent iron railing alongside her table. He sits by Dorothy’s chair, eagerly waiting for something to happen.

It’s 10:35AM and her brunch date is already 5 minutes late. While it is a Sunday, Dorothy would rather not waste her morning waiting on someone.

10:38AM and Dorothy is getting even more impatient. She is starting to fidget in her seat and tap her heels together.

“Oh Toto. If she doesn’t get here in the next couple of minutes, then I say we head home.,” says Dorothy.

Toto nods his head as if he understands what she is talking about.

“I’m sorry! I’m late, I’m very, very late,” said Alice.

“Yes, you are very late. What the fuck took you so long?” said Dorothy.

“Woah, I said I’m sorry. I couldn’t find my keys,” said Alice.

“Fine. For your benefit, I ordered for us already. I got French toast with a side of turkey bacon and hash browns,” said Dorothy.

“That’s fine.  I guess I have no choice,” said Alice.

As Alice seats herself and places her bag on the floor, she notices Dorothy’s glimmering red heels from under the table.

“Hey, are those new shoes?” said Alice.

“Fuck yeah they are. I got these last weekend in OZ,” said Dorothy.

“Oh, yeah. Tell me about that. I saw that picture you posted online with you laying in some field of flowers. I think the caption was ‘Chilling with the boys. #naptime.’ How are the boys? Any breakthroughs?” said Alice.

“Not really. I mean I still can’t figure out which one I like best. They’re all kind of clueless. I think it’s getting a little bit tiring helping them search for themselves,” said Dorothy

“Have you thought of a threesome?” said Alice.

“That’s not going to happen. How about you? How was Wonderland?” said Dorothy.

“Oh my god, it was amazing. I had such a good trip. I smoked out the whole weekend and ate these amazing, cookies,” said Alice.

“You literally had a good trip,” said Dorothy.

-Patrick

3 Things I’m Glad That I Didn’t Do to My Body When I Was aTeenager

Looking back at my high school days through embarrassing pictures on my Facebook and Photobucket streams, I realized how silly my interests were. More so along the lines of the image that I wanted to project. 2004-2008 was all about this weird fascination with scene and emo culture. And yes, while I love hip-hop music and rap, for some reason, I found myself on the more rock heavy end of the spectrum. Below are some of the appearance choices that could have happen, that I am not glad didn’t.

  • Bleach or dye my hair – Boy, am I glad that I didn’t do this. Initially, I wanted that weird, burnt out and choppy hair cut with the bleached or red highlights. However, looking at the current status of my scalp, I think bleach or any form of dye would probably kill my hair. At 23, I have this strange feeling, more like fear, that my hairline is residing and I’m losing strands of hair.
  • Getting ear plugs – At one point, I really, really wanted to do this. A lot of guys were doing this and it became pretty acceptable. Not to mention, kind of cool to be rocking them. However, I think what peeves me most is now hearing about the strange smell that comes from your ears when they get stretched. This sounds scary.
  • Tattoos – Okay, I still want a tattoo. However, back then, my idea of a cool tattoo was completely different from what I want now. Initially I wanted some form of religious iconography and some phrase that a fashion blogger had. But thinking about this now, maybe holding off was a better idea. If I had gotten those tattoos, I’m pretty sure someone would mistake me for some weird Asian gang banger. Eek.

- Patrick

How great is it that of the three things you posted, I have done. To be honest, people say you shouldn’t have regrets in your life. While I don’t regret a lot of stupid things I have done most of my regrets usually lie in my appearance.

  • Piercings- I had a belly ring for about a week until I realized body piercings outside of the ear range were for sluts. Sure I was going through a Hollister-Seven Jeans phase which meant I was destined for a tongue ring and snake bites. However, logic settled in my head much sooner than some of my peers and I am ever grateful that I avoided those annoying scars.
  • Bleach my hair- Although I did sport some kind of red hue in my hair from 2006-2011, thank goodness I never touched my head with bleach. I can deal with my hair still catching that bit of maroon every once in a while in the sun but having hay for hair is where my high maintenance limit reaches.
  • Acrylic nails- I have had acrylic nails once in my life, last year to get those Rihanna kitty claw nails, even that only lasted about two weeks. After I finally melted those suckers off with acetone I was left with paper thin nails and sore nail beds. Nothing screams VALLEY GIRL like a shiny, French-tipped set of plastic nails. Interesting enough I’m 100% sure that no one in France rocks these mini torture tools, I’m even more sure they’re offended to have nails like that named after them.

-Gretchelle

An Ode To Garlic

To say I love garlic is an understatement. My love for this fruit of roots rivals my love for cheese, and I LOVE cheese.

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What do I love about garlic you ask? Everything. I love its simple unassuming looks, its hidden nuggets of sweet and savory perfection lurking behind delicate petals of white. I love the thrill of chopping it up in preparation for its descent to the hot skillet. I love the sizzle and smell of it as it hits the heat and permeates through my kitchen. I love the excitement of seeing it roast in an oven and turn from a hard-hitting flavor to a sweet and nutty morsel waiting to be spread on rustic French bread and into my mouth.

I love garlic.

-Gretchelle

 

On this note, we should go to the Stinking Rose in Beverly Hills! Don’t let the location fool you though, the prices are totally affordable, and pretty cheap. The theme to this place is GARLIC. Every dish has a garlic component – most dishes are just garlic, but served differently. See below for the link.

http://thestinkingrose.com/

-Patrick

 

 

Dear Past Patrick & Past Gretchelle

Prompt: Write a letter to your 18 year old self

Dear Patrick –

Life at 18-years-old is disappointing and overrated. You’ll be terribly depressed and suffer from an immense about of disappointment and heartbreak. At times you’ll feel like you just want to die and wonder what’s the point. But I guess the best piece of advice that I can provide is make the best of this year.

To make things easier for you, because let’s face it, you just want the hard facts – below is a list of items and notes that you’ll want to keep in handy. But of course, you’ll probably end up not listening to me and do what you want anyways.

-    Yes, CSUN sucks. You didn’t get into your 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th school of choice. But hey, things will get better. Although you’ll eventually graduate and land an amazing job, I think you should take a step back and think about your passions. Think about what really makes you happy and focus on studying that. Maybe follow through and take a few more film classes. I think you might enjoy it more than you think and realize it can be a long term investment.
–   Currently, you’re group of friends are limited. Everyone has gone their separate ways for college and you feel alone. But fear not! You will meet the amazing Gretchelle, because both of you need each other.  Additionally, I would also like you to be aware of finding friends in people you think are maybe not your type. I know you’re pretty dismissive and timid at first, but freaking lighten up a bit. Take the stick that’s up your ass out and make friends.
– Stop going out a lot. No wait, keep going out. Then again, you should stop going out and save money. Fuck it, going out and enjoy life since you live at home. (This internal struggle will continue to haunt you even after college and for the rest of your life).
– Working a lot and earning money is great, but maybe you should slow down a bit. Sometimes your desire to keep a strong work ethic gets in the way of traveling and enjoying your free time. In some ways, it sets a nasty precedent for yourself. Eventually, you’ll think you’re invincible and be capable of doing anything. In reality, you’re pretty vulnerable and can easily get burnt out.

These are the only things I can think of that may come in handy. But of course, I would rather have you figure things out on your own and learn the hard way. Because let’s face it, it takes a lot of talk to get anything through your thick skull.

- Patrick

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Pinterest for X-MAS

I think I have rediscovered the obsession and addiction of Pinterest.

It all started when my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas yesterday. Mind you, it’s freaking SEPTEMBER. Alright mom, way to get ahead of the curb. Of course I replied with an “I don’t know.” This is not because its too early, rather I just suck at remembering what I want.

Now, I am pining items onto my X-MAS board that are all strangely in the $100 range. It’s gross and sickening, yet probably the closest I will ever be to “having these items”, instead of them sitting in a virtual shopping cart. Let’s face it, usually we’re all too chickenshit to actual confirm online purchases.
In the meantime, I am enjoying a evening of creating my fantasy gift basket to myself. Oh and if you decide that you have $100 lying around that you want to burn on a wonderful present for someone (me), than maybe you should click on the below link.

-Patrick

I wish I could blog something better right now but I just updated my iPhone to iOS 7 and lost EVERYTHING. Technology has failed me today. I’m going to go eat an entire loaf of pumpkin chocolate chip bread now.

-Gretchelle

I Used to Be Cool

  • At one point, I used to be kinda cool. I cared about the clothes I wore and avidly bought articles of clothing that I wanted for the look, regardless of price. To some extent, I prided myself in the overall “collection” of items that composed my closet and wardrobe – how they effortlessly created this weird interchangeable cast. However, now I think I’ve become lazier than usual, and would rather save money and wear a t-shirt that’s 4-years-old. Or refuse to buy anything that could be considered dated to 4 years or older, maybe costing $40 dollars or less.
  • Music is one of those things like fashion that you just stumble upon or become this instinctual act of cool. But once, I think I have failed in this department. That “Royals” song by Lorde? Totally heard from a friend of a friend of a friend, followed by hearing it on the radio the next day. That sisterly trio HAIM? Only found out about them because the guy from The Lonely Island was in their music video. See, I think there is a delay in response to finding out about music. Instead of getting ahead of the curb, I’m slowly becoming one of those moms that listen to KISS FM and who find themselves jamming to song that’s been on the air forever.
  • My bedtime is 10:00AM or earlier. Preferably, 8:00AM would be amazing, but that takes a lot of effort. Shit, as of now, as I write this, it’s way past my bedtime. My point is, I enjoyed staying up till 3:00AM or 4:00AM. It was fun just not caring and going out or staying up that late. But I think my newly adapted workoholic tendencies are making me feel old already.

- Patrick

 

  • I think that at one point I thought I was cool because I studded my own faux leather jackets from Target. I got drunk off wine in parking lots in West Hollywood and shredded my own tshirts. These days yoga pants and a clean tshirt pass as an outfit for me. My shoes? They used to be cute ballet flats I found at Kitson on sale, now it’s flip flops or Birkenstocks.
  • My decent from cool to uncool continues with my music choices. My Spotify playlists started it off with pretention and ended with Disney movie soundtracks. Let’s face it the days of “discovering music” died with last.fm. I do however still get to have Okkervil River but I fear losing Sleigh Bells now that they’re in the new iPhone commercial. Apple always ruins the best bands first CSS then The Sounds and soon-to-be dead Sleigh Bells. RIP.
  • I just don’t have time to have a life anymore. It’s work or sleep, anything in between is just a nusance. The only thing worth losing sleep for are marathons of Pawn Stars or Rosanne. Anything else is just not worth losing my precious hours of sleeping. Plus I sold my nap time hours for a pay check.

On another note… are we twinsies yet?

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-Gretchelle

Top Things I Learned About Myself

The first blog is always the worst right?

Top things I learned about myself today:

  •  If I had stuck to blogging five years ago I would have been famous today instead of sitting at an office in the middle of the suburbs, pitching article ideas about massage therapy.
  • Starbucks really is in control of my bank account. I have an issue paying $4 a gallon for gasoline that will take me where I want to go yet I will happily pay almost $5 for a frappuccino that will eventually go to my ass. All because I want to eventually reach gold level on my Starbucks card. A girl has to have goals!
  • The first blog is always the hardest. After reading and watching content on BuzzFeed all I really want to write about is how much I’ve really enjoyed that a Rosanne marathon has been on T.V. for basically two weeks now. To be honest nothing has made me happier in the past month than that.
  • My book tolerance has gone to a new low. I can only really read at Harry Potter level now.
  • Locking myself out of Facebook has done no good. I will eventually find new distractions such as looking up dream job listings on entertainmentcareers.com.

-Gretchelle

  • Yeah, imagine if we still wrote on our Tumblrs, let alone Xangas. I wouldn’t be making up for lost time right about now. On a side note, WordPress looks so much different than it did before. Half the options on the left sidebar never existed!
  • I can equally say that Pressed Juice from Press Juicery has become my “Starbucks”. $6.50 for 1 bottle of juice that will literally come out of my body as liquefied shit is “supposed to be an investment”. My mom and countless other people swear by Press Juice as an all natural supplement that you should take everyday. Everyday?? That’s  $45.50 a week. And that’s how much I pay for gas!
  • Once again, I’m on my UK/Australian TV binge. I just finished Please Like Me, and once again, I had one of those moments of “Why didn’t I write this?”
  • Reading? Sadly, I’ve become like everyone else and have fallen victim to a reading level of a 13-year-old. But, I will say that The Fault in Our Stars is one of the best depressing books out there. Cancer kids who fall in love? Why not.
  • Facebook is a sad reminder of the Fear of Missing Out aka FOMO. If anything, I dont think Mark Zuckerberg understands how much pain he is inflicting upon young people, let alone the world. Instead of bringing others together, doesn’t he understand that over-sharing can be hazardous to a young person’s sanity?

-Patrick